Chinese Take-Out Style Ribs
We’re all flawed, beautiful beings. We all sin from time to time. Not everything we do can or has to be rational. Or sensible. Sometimes, you have to let go, break the shackles of reason, and just be free. In those rare moments of insane clarity, a sticky & sweet fantasy in the shape of Chinese take-out ribs may emerge and tempt us to forget about the troubles of society. Or the ungodly amount of sugar we are about to consume. It’s ok to escape from time to time. It’s ok to be comfortable! I’m not crying, it’s just OK! I am enough.

Chinese take-out ribs:
• 5x garlic cloves, crushed and minced
• 1 tbsp of canned pineapple, minced
• 1/4 tsp of star anise, or 1 star anise ground into powder in a mortar & pestle)
• 5 tbsp of sugar
• 1 tbsp salt
• 2 tbsp of honey or maple syrup
• 2 tbsp of coconut oil, or cooking oil of choice
• 2 1/2 tbsp hoisin sauce
• 1 tbsp of tomato paste
• 5 tbsp ketchup• 1 tbsp water
• 1/2 tsp Chinese five-spice powder
• 2 tbsp of orange juice
• 1 tsp pepper
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1x pack of ribs, or however many ribs you want to eat.

Coconut-Cardamon Rice:
• 1 cup jasmine rice
• 2 cups water
• 1/4 tsp ground cardamon
• 1/4 tsp of dried thyme
• 1/4 tsp of garlic powder or some minced fresh garlic
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
• 1/2 tsp of salt, adjust to taste

Steamed Broccoli:
• 1 cup of broccoli, (you can also totally eat the stem
• A dash of salt
• Water, for steaming

45MIN / SERVES 2-3

For the sauce:
First, take a small pot and add all of the take-out sauce ingredients (minced garlic, minced pineapple, sugar, spices, honey, ketchup, tomato paste, hoisin sauce, orange juice, water, salt, and coconut oil). Turn the stove on and bring the mixture to a boil. When it begins to boil, lower the temperature and allow it to simmer for about 8 minutes, while mixing occasionally. After 8 minutes, remove from the heat.

For the ribs: Stove-top cooked:
Heat a non-stick pan (large enough for all of the ribs to comfortably fit on) to a low temperature. Add a dash of cooking oil to the pan, and when the oil is hot add the ribs and cover. Allow the ribs to cook at a low temperature while being covered, so the entire rib heats up without the crust burning, (like you would make a grilled cheese sandwich). After about 7 minutes, flip the ribs and cook for another 7 minutes on the other side, while being covered.
Once the ribs are fully cooked/hot on the inside, you’ll want to get a nice slightly charred crust. So, uncover them, and then raise the temperature and cook them for another 2ish minutes on each side, until each side is nicely browned. Then turn off the heat, spread some take-out sauce over each side of them, and dig in!

For oven-baked ribs:
Heat the oven to 200c/400f. Prepare a pan with baking paper. Spread some of the take-out sauce over each side of the ribs, and put them on your pan. Bake for 15-20 minutes. And voila! They should be good!

For the rice:
First, wash the rice by rinsing it a few times. Then, add your rice, water, thyme, garlic, and cardamon to a small pot and cover. Bring the rice to a boil, then lower the temperature and allow it to simmer, while stirring occasionally. After about 10-15 minutes the rice will have absorbed almost all of the water. When all the water has been absorbed and the rice is done, mix in the coconut oil.
To prevent your rice from getting too sticky, when the rice is done cooking put a small towel over the pot and then cover it with the pot top. The towel helps absorb excess moisture from the rice as it cools. You can put the towel-covered rice to the side until you are ready to eat it.

For the steamed broccoli:
If you have a steamer, put water in the pot, place the broccoli in the top steamer part, and cover. Bring the water to a boil and allow the florets to steam for 5-10 minutes. When they're soft enough that a fork will easily penetrate the stems, they are done! Sprinkle just a tiny dash of salt over them.

Serve each of components together and you’ll feel like a super hero making your own Chinese food!!